13 Examples of Evidence for Evolution

13 Examples of Evidence for Evolution

1. The independent arrival of useful traits.  For example, the wing in insects, birds, and bats.  Or, the complex eyeball in humans and squids.

2. The human appendix, tail bone, wisdom teeth, goose bumps, and male nipples.

3. Vestigial organs in others.  Whales have 'leftover' hind leg bones. The eyeballs of the blind cave fish, Astyanax mexicanus, and penguins' wings are other examples.

4. Fossil evidence.

5. Drug-resistant Tuberculosis.

6. Pesticide-resistant insects.

7. Dog breeding.  (The Great Dane, the Chihuahua, and the Dingo.)

8. The Flounder and other flat fish. The eyeball on the "bottom" travels to the "top" of its head.

9. Flu vaccinations. Every year.

10. Modern transitional examples. From the eye spots of flatworms to the primitive eye of the nautilus.

11. Nylon eating bacteria.

12. A peacock's ridiculous tail.

13. DNA.  No, you are not a monkey, but you do share genes with a pea plant.

13 Suckier Things About Travel

You caught me.  I say I love to travel.

But what I really mean is I like to be in different and strange places.  Nobody really likes to travel these days.
And if you're forced to endure the ordeal that business travel has become I pity you.

This post is dedicated to you.  Let's commiserate!


13 Crappy Things About Travel That Have Only Gotten Worse in Recent Years

1. Airport security.  The illusion of safety.  Now we have body scanners.  If body scanners are intended to detect items not picked up by metal detectors, and vice versa, why doesn't the TSA march us through both?

2. No free meals.  Remember when you'd get a free sandwich for coast-to-coast flights?

3. Airline baggage fees.  Every airline now charges for checked bags depending on your status.

4. Overhead bins.  The overhead bins for carryon luggage are smaller and crammed fuller than ever before.

5. Packing.  You are now forced to allocate your toiletries into Petri dish-sized containers.

6. Standby.  Have a change of plans?  Want to get home before that terrible storm rolls through?  Unless you have earned a mid- to high-tier status, you will now be charged a hefty fee (~$75) to standby for an earlier.

7. Mileage status.  Your travel miles earn you fewer perks.

8. Mileage status (again).  Should you lapse in status for one year, the next year you're deported to the end of the line.  Hello, boarding group 11 and 12!

9. Delays.  The airlines will try to sell you the idea they have improved on-time performance.  Just look at our shiny new statistics.  What they don't tell you is they measure their performance by an inflated "travel time" not actual flight time.  They don't even need to burn extra fuel to make up the time in the air.  The extra padding ensures an "on-time" arrival for most flights with a late departure.

10. Common courtesy.  Passenger courtesy has declined significantly.  People push and shove to board so they can pack their sprawling belongings into the overhead bins.  These also happen to be the same folks eager to slam down into full recline without checking for a laptop or sore knees pressed into their seatback.

11. Flight options.  Fewer and fuller flights mean you have fewer alternatives when they cancel your original flight for "mechanical" reasons.  Don't fret!  You may receive a discounted, $99 hotel voucher to the dirty airport hotel room of your choice.

12. Hotel pillows.  I'm pretty sure the only reason the pillows in the hotels are worse than in years past is because they are the same pillows.  Does anyone like feather pillows?

13. Toilet paper (yes, I went there).  Any time your toilet tissue crinkles, you know you're in for an uncomfortable stay.  To make matters worse, this rough (cheap) toilet paper somehow has been designed to ensure frugality and rips off into individual squares.

Do you think traveling has gotten better or worse in recent years?

Thank you CubaGallery on Flicker for the great photo!

13 Popular Novels Gone Dirty

You Have Been Warned!

For some reason 50 Shades of Grey gets a lot of attention in the media these days.  It's not like erotic novels are something new.

In fact, I'm pretty sure E.L. James was inspired by these other well-known novels before the censors got to work.

Me?  I just like how these long-lost titles sound.  But then again I snicker when I hear the word, masticate.

 13 Popular Novels Gone Dirty

1. The Son Also Rises
2. A Tail and Two Titties
3. The Great Gasping
4. The Girl with the Dragon Taboo
5. The Mount of Monte Cristo
6. The Adventures of Sure Cock Holmes
7. The Bi-Curious Case of Benjamin Butt-Man
8. On Her Majesty's Secret Servicing
9. The Lord of the Cock Rings
10. Brave Nude Girl
11. Alice Tugged
12. A Midsummer's Night Ream
13. Harry Potter and the Gobbler Gets Tired

Actual titles we have to live with:
1. The Sun Also Rises, 2. A Tale of Two Cities, 3. The Great Gatsby, 4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 5. The Count of Monte Cristo, 6. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, 7. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, 8. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (James Bond), 9. The Lord of the Rings, 10. Brave New World, 11. Atlas Shrugged, 12. A Midsummer's Night Dream, 13. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 

And a bonus: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Bone

Did I miss any?

13 Things I Did In San Francisco Last Week

A Redwood crashed through our intended bridge.

I just got back from a trip to San Francisco.  Apparently the Bay Area didn't get the memo on the heat wave!  It was 50 degrees cooler on the Fourth than it was in Chicago.

This is true whether Mark Twain said it or not, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

Other than the blustery weather, it was an action-packed and beautiful trip.

Here are 13 Things I Did in San Francisco Last Week:

1. Took a fortune cookie factory tour in Chinatown and ate piping hot fortune cookies.

2. Hiked through the Muir Woods Redwoods forest on an alternate trail because a behemoth had fallen and smashed through the bridge on the main hiking trail.  My quads cursed me for taking the steeper detour.

3. Shivered watching the Fourth of July fireworks over the Golden Gate Bridge.

4. Got sunburned on the tops of my hands on a cloudy day that barely climbed above 60 degrees.

5. Rode a bike across the Golden Gate Bridge – hence the sunburn.

6. Ate lunch and drank wine in Napa Valley after touring the Jelly Belly factory.  After enduring a questionable jazz rendition of Roxanne I wished I was back at the Jelly Belly factory instead.

7. Found free parking for dinner in San Francisco.

8. Watched buffalo (bison) graze in the city's Golden Gate Park.

9. Drove for hours and hours through the winding expanse of Golden Gate National Recreation Area.

10. Drove down Lombard Street and up Twin Peaks.

11. Saw dolphins at Fort Point – at the base of the Golden Gate Bridge.

12. Ate wonderful cassoulet with a nice Bordeaux.  The last time I ate this dish was almost five years ago – in Toulouse, France.  Oh, and I also had fantastic Chinese (obviously), Korean, and Indian food.

13. Witnessed illegal firework transactions on the streets of Chinatown.  (This did not occur in the vicinity of Grant and Washington streets.)

Have you been to San Francisco or the Bay Area?  What was your favorite part?

13 Single-Use Kitchen Gadgets

Protect Your Bananas Before It's Too Late!

13 Single-Use Kitchen Gadgets

1. Banana Bunker
2. Apple peeler
3. Bread maker
4. Cake stand
5. Waffle maker
6. Onion goggles
7. French Fry slicer
8. Lettuce knife - ordinary knifes cause browning
9. Hamburger press
10. Pasta dryer
11. Orange peeler - I love this thing.
12. Panini maker
13. Bacon Wave (As Seen On TV)

And because I'm in a silly mood, here's a bonus item to help parents clean up in the kitchen (it's a baby mop):

Do you have a favorite kitchen gadget to share?

13 Foods I Can Live Without

How can you know pleasure if you've never experienced pain?

How can you know love if you've never experienced hate?

And how can you know what foods you'll never eat again if you've never delved into the bowels of American cuisine? (Yes, pun intended.)

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a list of foods I hate.  

I've eaten everything on this list.  I've enjoyed at least half of everything here at some point.

But those data points have been recorded.  I can move on with my life.  And if I never have to revisit any of these foods – or food-like substances – again, I will still lead a fulfilling life.

13 Foods I Can Live Without

1. Velveeta "Cheese" - Seriously, what's the molecular makeup of this stuff?  I'm pretty sure it's not organic.  Until some grad-student researcher concludes that it's a legitimate food item, I've had enough.  But...if Kraft decides to go with the 1960s style packaging seen above, I just might get back on the wagon.  Delicious!

2. Spam - Yes, I know this meat-like product is very popular in Hawaii.  But have you ever pan fried this stuff?  Your kitchen fills up with that blue burnout smoke of a drag race.  Forget about your arteries, what about your lungs?

3. Ground Bologna  - Is this really any better than Spam?  Or right, it's spreadable.

4. Powdered Milk - Trust me, this is not good on any cereal.

5. Hamburger Helper - Hey, I was a broke college student - and yes, this was way before Pink Slime was even a glimmer in the eye of the public consciousness.

6. Anything with Cream Cheese - Yes, this includes cheese cake.

7. Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets - Okay, think deli-meat and nacho cheese calzone, but made with puff pastry, not pizza dough.  And now Hot Pockets are made with 'real cheese' – whatever that means!

8. Grape-Nuts - An alleged 'health food' cereal.  It's really like pouring milk over a bowl of gravel – not very healthy for my teeth.

9. Foie Gras - This is a fattened duck liver and it's very popular in France.  I have eaten it in France.  It's supposed to be a delicacy.  PETA, you'll be happy to know I do not like it.

10. Those glistening mashed potatoes at the Lone Star Steakhouse in Jackson, Michigan - When you've managed to transform ordinary produce into something born out of a high school science fair, you've gone too far with the heavy cream and butter.

11. Cream of Mushroom Soup-based dishes - Really?  Do I even need to elaborate?

12. Lou Malnati's Pizza - This Chicago-style pizza is famous for having a layer of thick sausage spread across its entire diameter.  Yes, it's blasphemy for somebody writing from Chicago, but I can still do without it.

13. Chicken in a Biskit - Full disclosure:  These are actually delicious.  I loved these crackers throughout my college years.  But now I've got things like blood pressure and cholesterol to consider.  Imagine taking a buttery Ritz Cracker and dousing it with the seasoning packet from Chicken Ramen Noodles.  Delicious.  But also Heartburn City.  (By the way, I still do eat Ramen Noodles.)

What foods would you be happy to do without?


Thank you to Paul Malon on Flickr for reminding us how awesome the 60s were!

13 Things About Cuba

One of the gifts I left behind in Cuba.

Last week I was fortunate enough to have traveled to Cuba legally as a U.S. citizen.  So naturally, I thought it would be fitting to share a few things about Cuba and my experience there before everything changes.

13 Things About Cuba

1. If I'm going to talk about Cuba, I have to begin with the Malecón in Havana.  For our trip, we stayed at the Hotel Nacional de Cuba right on the Malecón.  All I can say is, what famous American from the early- to mid-1900s did not stay there?  Frank Sinatra, check.  Ernest Hemingway, check.  Ava Gardner - who eventually ended up swimming naked in Ernest Hemingway's pool - check.

Now, back to the Malecón, the boardwalk and break wall along the sea coast.  Not surprising, the first thing you notice are the cars.  These are not the shiny, classic American cars kept under tarps in your uncle's garage only to be rolled off of a flatbed trailer into a Cracker Barrel parking lot car show.  No, these cars are driven.  And just like everything else in Havana, the cars can be seen in various states of repair.  Being enveloped in black clouds of exhaust, you'll realize just how old some of these cars really are.

The Malecón is a boardwalk.  But much more interesting than the one in Venice Beach or Myrtle Beach.  I ran along the Malecón at different times of the day and always encountered the same thing: people.  People fish, walk, and hang out on the break wall.  In the evenings and weekends, vendors and artists set up stands.  While I ran on the old, pockmarked surface, I could only think of coral.  The Malecón teamed with schools of colorful people.  Beautiful.

2. Workers in the famous Cuban Cigar factories are allowed to have three cigars each day.  These are not the high quality items reserved for sale.  Inexperienced apprentices generally hand-roll these cigars using lower quality leaves with tears or imperfections.  Hand-rolling cigars takes practice, and practice makes perfect.  So why waste an otherwise good thing?

Although their three cigars may be rejects by Cuban quality standards, not all tourists know that.  While on the factory tour, a worker on a bathroom break peeked from around a corner and waved his three cigars at me.  It was clear he wanted me to make him a deal.

3. Many of the beautiful buildings in Havana are in dire need of renovation - and much has already begun.  The facades can be dull and colorless old concrete.  But like a flower pushing through the sidewalk, the vibrancy of the Cuba shines through.  From the pastel colored classic cars, to the lively clothing styles, to the bright artwork, Cuba will capture your heart - even on a cloudy day.

4. According to recent new articles, President John F. Kennedy ordered one thousand Cuban cigars before he signed the U.S. trade embargo into law.

5. During our visit to an elementary school in Havana, somebody asked about the graduation rate of school children.  The administrators were a bit perplexed because they claim that all students graduate.  

Prior to the Cuban Revolution in 1959, the literacy rate was about 60-70%.  Today, according to UNICEF, it is 100%.

6. Through a combination of the Embargo and the collapse of the Soviet Union, organic farming is the only method of farming possible.  The lack of chemicals and farming machinery forced Cuban to innovate.  Necessity is the mother of invention.  (Since Cuba has been so successful with organic farming, it makes you wonder why produce at Whole Foods is so expensive.)

7. After Castro nationalized businesses and private property, most people argue that the best Cuban chefs fled to the United States.  If you want great Cuban food, stay in the United States.

But this wasn't necessarily my experience.  If you avoid the tourist restaurants in Havana - where these chefs try to cater to a warped interpretation of Western tastes - you will find wonderful food.  Make sure you eat in at least one paladar, a small restaurant set up in a private residence.

8. Many of the old American and Russian cars in Cuba have a yellow Ferrari emblem displayed on the sides.  Cubans are resourceful and creative.  They are proud of their cars but authenticity does not always factor in when it comes to maintaining their cars.

9. An American, William Alexander Morgan, fought alongside Che Guevara in the Cuban Revolution against Cuban dictator Batista.  Morgan held the rank of Comandante.  He was later executed by Castro.

10. In 2009, an open air peace concert was held in Havana's Revolutionary Square.  Our guide said 1.2 Million people attended and even the police enjoyed the free Latin Music concert.

11. Expect to tip a lot of people while visiting.  Local guides and hotel employees all work for tips.  Cubans in Havana are generally very friendly toward Americans.  But just like any tourist area in the world, beware of hustlers.  Everyone wants your money.

12. Ernest Hemingway is Cuba and Cuba is Ernest Hemingway.  In the village of Cojimar, the setting for The Old Man and The Sea, a bust is on display that was created from the boat propellers of local fishermen.  Cubans loved, and still do love, their Papa Hemingway.

13. As shown in the picture above, these Cuban children really appreciated gifts.  Baseball hats and baseballs are great gifts to give in exchange for a family's hospitality.  I wanted to give something unique and memorable.  Hopefully the few Rubik's Cubes I gave away won't frustrate too many Cuban children.

What comes to mind when you think about Cuba?

The Boy With Thirteen Toes

Special Thanks to Serenity Photography on Flickr

The Boy With Thirteen Toes

A boy was born with thirteen toes,
No wetting mucus lined his nose.

He never grew to six feet tall,
And learned to walk before he crawled.

He lurched and hitched and dragged his leg,
One special shoe, soft as a beer keg.

Toes ached and bruised, shoved into that shoe,
What in the world do you think you might do?

To curse the sky would make much sense,
Yet this boy wore a bright smile as his defense.

13 Reasons Why I Hate Jet Lag

1. I become a Zombie...but not in a cool, action-adventure way.

2. My feet swell (and smell).

3. I wake up way too early.  I want to sleep during dinner.

4. And vice versa.

5. There is no semblance of normal digestion.

6. The cultural differences can be trying.  (For example, even though my body has excused itself from consciousness, I must endure the five-hour European dinner.)

7. My stomach growls at weird times during the day and night.

8. I simply cannot think.  How do I set this hotel alarm clock?

9. I can't exercise without feeling drunk...not in a good way.

10. On a business trip, I end up working both shifts.

11. I can't sleep in the cramped economy seat on the nine-hour return flight.

12. Yhw si it os fidfuictl to froodpear hwne oyu'er ejtalgged?

13. I swish a gallon of mouthwash and yet, my breath still smells like I've been eating fermented animal intestines in a Turkish prison for the past twenty years.

What do you hate about traveling?

Thanks to jhhwild on Flickr for the picture!

Death and Taxes

With Tax Day looming in the U.S., I thought it would be fitting to write about something more certain than taxes:  Death.  


Today I bring you thirteen actual ways people have died.


Of course, this is the Internet, and I also write fiction, so don't believe everything you read here – at least not in this post.


Although I do write fiction, I certainly did not make up any of these stories.  True stories are often stranger than fiction.  And these thirteen were the most interesting to me.


If you don't agree, well, what else would you rather be doing – your taxes?


13 Tales of Death Stranger Than Fiction

1. In 1919, twenty one people died during the Boston Molasses Disaster.  A storage unit released over two million gallons of molasses creating a massive wave as high as 15 ft. devastating more than three city blocks.
2. Jimi Heselden, the owner of the Segway company, died after careening over a cliff while on his – yes, Segway.
3. Jogger, Robert Gary Jones, was killed when a small airplane making an emergency landing struck him from behind.
4. In 1953, Frank Hayes became the only deceased jockey to win a race after he died of a heart attack while on his horse.
5. The war between humans and robots began in 1979 when Robert Williams became the first known human to be killed by a robot.  He worked at a Ford Motor Company assembly plant.
6. In 1980, Monica Myers, the mayor of Betterton, Maryland, drowned and died in a tank of raw sewage.
7. In 2009, Vladimir Likhonos died after dipping his chewing gum in explosives that he mistook for citric acid.  He suffered massive injuries to his face when the chewing gum exploded.
8. In 1995, a persistent man in Canberra, Australia shot himself three times with a pump action shotgun before he finally died.  He first inflicted a non-fatal shot to the chest.  Reloaded and blew away his jaw and throat.  Not quite dead, he finished the job firing the final shot with his toes.
9. This death was like a Rube Goldberg Suicide Machine.  Jacques LeFevrier of Normandy, France, attempted the most convoluted suicide I've ever heard of.  He intended to hang himself with a rope by jumping off of a cliff over the frigid ocean.  But first he drank some poison and set his clothes on fire.  Oh yeah, he also had a gun and planned to shoot himself the moment he jumped off the cliff.  Well, he missed himself with the bullet and it shot through the rope.  He splashed into the water below putting out the flames.  The impact, or the intense cold of the water, apparently induced vomiting, saving him from the poison.  Witnesses on the beach rescued him, but he later died of hypothermia at the hospital.
10. We have another winner in death!  In 1927, J.G. Parry-Thomas, set a new land speed record of 171 mph despite being decapitated by his car's drive chain during the attempt.
11. In 2001, a Memphis Darwin Award Winner rushed to the Post Office to file his taxes before midnight.  He attempted to beat a train and coincidentally collided, head on with another reckless driver also rushing to beat the train.  Fortunately, nobody on the train was killed.
12. I will conclude the list with two writers who also died strange deaths.  (I don't have nearly enough room here for writers who committed suicide.)  The first is Sherwood Anderson.  If you have studied writing as I have, you probably have read his short story, Hands.  He died from a punctured colon after swallowing a toothpick at a party.
13. Since the US Tax Code is so convoluted and mysterious, I thought it would be fitting to conclude with the death of Edgar Allan Poe.  Poe died on October 7, 1849.  Many theories have been postulated, yet the mystery of his death remains unsolved.

Please share this post if you found it interesting.  Thanks for stopping by!

Thank you, Faerie Girl on Flickr for the surreal photo.

Funny 13,000 Word Blog Post

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then today's post should be worth at least 13,000.  Enjoy!

Fabulous writer and blogger, E.C. Stilson
(She's their left boob. Go check out her other work!)

Yes, those are baby carrots!

R2D2

Mr. Disney, just what are those mice doing?

Harry Potter vs. Twilight

Birth Announcement
It's a boy!

Scarves

If you found this amusing in any way, please send people my way!

13 Sports For The Retired Runner

I can't imagine my life without running.  But I suppose the day may come when I will need to find an alternate way to keep a healthy lifestyle.  It's fun to ponder these things from time to time, isn't it?

So, here are 13 sports that would suit me if I weren't a runner:



1. Mixed Martial Arts
2. Rugby
3. Hockey
4. Football - Running Back
5. Speed Skating
6. Mountain Biking
7. Pole Vault
8. Biathlon
9. Snowboarding
10. Lacrosse
11. The Rings - Gymnastics
12. Ninja Warrior
13. Trapeze

What about you?  Do you have a "back-up" passion?


Thanks to sundero on Flickr for the refreshing picture!

13 Reasons Why Songwriting Is Great Writing

I love music.  My entire life seems to play out to music.

Sure, there are plenty of stories that I wish I had written.  But it's usually a great song that stirs me up emotionally every time I hear it.

Today's post is dedicated to great songwriting, because hey, songwriting is writing.

13 Reasons Why Songwriting Is Great Writing

1. OHIO by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
"Four dead in Ohio."

2. PAINT IT BLACK by The Rolling Stones
"No colors anymore, I want them to turn black."

3. HURRICANE by Bob Dylan
"And though they could not produce the gun, The DA said he was the one, who did the deed, And the all-white jury agreed."

4. THE BEAUTY OF GRAY by Live
"If I said you ought to give him some of your water, you'd shake your canteen and walk away."

5. SUSPICIOUS MINDS by Elvis Presley
"You don't believe a word I say."

6. IT'S A MAN'S, MAN'S WORLD by James Brown
"This is a man's world but it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman"

7. LOSE YOURSELF by Eminem
"He choked but he won't give up that easy."

8. BIG TEN INCH RECORD by Aerosmith
"She just loves my big ten inch...record of her favorite blues."

9. ROOSTER by Alice In Chains
"Ain't found a way to kill me yet."

10. WHERE IS MY MIND by The Pixies
"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself, Where is my mind?"

11. THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE RUNNER by Iron Maiden
"Determination makes you run, never stop, got to win, got to run 'til you drop."

12. ONE by Metallica
"Fed through the tube that sticks in me [...] trapped in myself, body my holding cell."

13. THE UNDERTAKER (Renholder Mix) by Puscifer
"Thank you for [...] making it easy to murder your sweet memory."

What are your favorite song lyrics?

Thank you Jorik De Beer on Flickr for the incredible picture!

13 Words That Sound Naughty But Really Aren't

13 Words That Sound Naughty But Really Aren't

1. PENAL  
(subject to punishment of crimes)
Is it a penal offense for men to stroll naked on the beach?

2. CONDIMENT  
(substance used to enrich the flavor of foods) 
It was too late to tell her I forgot to use any type of condiment.

3. CIRCUMSCRIBE 
(restrict) 
My escape from the hospital was thwarted when the doctors circumscribed me.

4. MASTICATE  
(chew) 
I furiously masticated the babysitter's sweet candy before my wife returned home with the groceries.

5. FARTLEK  
(training technique for runners) 
The young men were supposed to stay packed together, but the fartlek was particularly intense.

6. MANHOLE  
(covered opening) 
In his new position, Rodney provided his crew with safe entrance to his manhole.
[He's a city public works employee with responsibilities.]

7. SPOTTED DICK 
(British pudding (dessert)) 
Buck proudly presented his spotted dick to Kitty and she gobbled it down with a smile.

8. GESTICULATE 
(to use gestures for emphasize words or instead of speaking) 
The subway passengers sat uncomfortably while the homeless man's dirty coat swung open from his wild gesticulations.

9. SEXAGENARIAN 
(person in their 60s) 
Now that she was a sexagenarian, she decided to forgo birth control altogether.

10. DICTATION  
(speaking words to be transcribed or recorded) 
Feeling powerful, he leaned back and allowed his secretary to take his dictation.

11. PIANIST  
(person who plays the piano) 
[I had to steal at least one from The Simpsons – the rest are my invention.]

"This guy walks into a  bar, he takes out a tiny piano and a twelve inch pianist, oh, no, wait, I can't tell that one!"  -Krusty the Clown 

12. ANGINA 
(intense chest pain)
I know the doctors say your angina looks really bad right now, but do we really have to stop loving each other?

13. TITTER (giggle)
Rebecca couldn't suppress her nervous titters after she spilled frigid iced tea on her white shirt.


Do you have any favorite words that sound funny, are fun to pronounce, or sound dirty like these?

13 Different Ways to Laugh

Writing is serious business, that is why I really appreciate what comedy writers do.  

I love to laugh, but unfortunately, it doesn't happen enough.  Okay, I laugh at myself, but that's usually more of a gentle chuckle.  Anyway, for me to get a hearty laugh, great comedy also makes me think.

Today, I wanted to share a list of quotes that I think are really funny.  I'm sure at least one of these will make you laugh – and hopefully make you think, too.

13 Great Quotes From Comedy

1.  I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes.  It involves Russia.
  -Woody Allen

2. A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.
  -Demetri Martin

3. Schrödinger's furniture both did and did not have fur all over it.
  -God via Twitter (@TheTweetOfGod)

4. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  -W.C. Fields

5. A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks.  You really think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f***ing cross?  Kinda like going up to Jackie Onassis with a little sniper rifle pendant.
  -Bill Hicks

6. There's no such thing as soy milk.  It's soy juice.
  -Lewis Black

7. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
  -George Carlin

8. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  -Steven Wright

9. You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
  -Chris Rock, Host of the Oscars

10. I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 
   "Hey, man, what are you playing?" 
   "Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!"
  -Demetri Martin

11. "No Comment" is a comment.
  -George Carlin

12. I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
   -Stephen Wright

13. A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:  Duh.
   -Conan O'Brien


Any favorites of your own?  Please leave a comment.


Thank you cheriejoyful on Flickr for the adorable boy.  He makes me smile just looking at the photo.

13 Reasons to Follow This Blog

13 Reasons to Follow This Blog:


1. You'll never look at a Rubik's Cube the same way again.


2. It's safe to follow, I'm not the Jason from those old horror movies.


3. I'm funny — at least that's what my mom tells me.


4. If you aren't interested in writing tips, you'll get Rubik's Cube tips — and vice versa.


5. If you join and comment, I will slather you with Internet love — meaning I will mention you on Twitter or visit your blog.


6. Each post has a unique aftertaste turning sour tastes sweet for at least thirty five minutes. (Miracle Berries)


7. Once I reach 42 blog followers, I will reveal the mysteries of the Universe.


8. It's free, but membership has its privileges.  No annual membership fee.  Did I mention it's free?


9. Can you say contests and give-aways?  Sorry, members only.


10. Each post is conveniently sent to your Google Reader.


11. Join today, it will look good on your resume.


12. It's for adults only and it's 100% free of Dora and Kai-Lan.


13. Play The Puzzling Mind Drinking Game — take a shot every time I mention the Rubik's Cube.


What are you waiting for? Join, comment, and enjoy all of the benefits The Puzzling Mind has to offer.